Feng Shui Your Friends

We often hear about feng shui, and I’ve written about feng shui before. Overall, feng shui is often defined as organizing our space and things for optimum wellness and energetic flow, and feng shui strategies, though sometimes subtle, often include decluttering and assessing how our space and its arrangement and content are impacting our well-being.

So, as I was talking recently with a good friend and noting how I’m witnessing some shifts (again) with friends, and hearing said friend say the same, I offered, “You know, sometimes we need to feng shui our friends.” In other words, we need to consider one of the main, most lovely questions from the book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui: “Does it [personal item] lift me?”  Why not ask, “Does he/she [friend] lift me?” This question became very significant for me recently when after talking with one friend earlier in an evening, I felt depleted afterward and wondered if I could complete the tasks I had ahead of me that night. Then, in contrast, a different friend called later, and after talking with her, I had energy, I was smiling, I was lifted. When these results with friends become a pattern (we all have our bad days), let’s take notice. Sure, objects need to be released if they’re not lifting our energy or adding benefit to our lives, but we also need to eventually release friends who aren’t lifting or benefiting us. The tougher task is that friends are living creatures and have feelings, and we can develop human challenges like guilt.

We just weren’t meant to be friends with everyone forever, no matter how many times we professed “FF” [Friends Forever] in those yearbooks. Somehow for many of us it’s hard to let people go, perhaps feeling we failed. But sometimes we need to let people go because we’re not our best selves with them, our energy is drained, or we’ve just reached the end of the friend cycle with that person. And it’s okay.

How would our lives be if we’d kept in touch with everyone from our past? I moved nine times before I turned 18 years old and attended four grade schools; again, imagining staying in touch with or even getting in touch with so many people from my life  from different stages is one of many reasons Facebook scares me a little. But, believe me, I was that person who tried to keep in touch with everyone. There’s a reason my high school and college friends called me “Mom.” In college, I kept a notebook with all of the people I regularly wrote (yes, letters were still “in” and more popular then; this time was pre-e-mail and pre-cell phone, people) and logged when I last wrote them, so I remembered whom I wrote and when I last wrote each person. I actually needed such a system because there were so many people I contacted. I even joked with a few friends at the time that I could make a full-time job of just keeping in touch with people. I enjoyed it, too. Admittedly, though, some of that contact was out of obligation, but I was (ridiculously) committed, even to those who weren’t the greatest of friends.

As I’ve aged, I’ve quickly learned that we need to honor ourselves in many ways and speak our truth—and not feel badly about what we may need to do to be healthy and balanced. One step we can take (of many, of course) is staying aware with how people in our lives affect our energy. If we realize consistent drain, discomfort and that gut feeling it may be time to not be friends with someone, then it’s probably time to move on. It seems that the Universe can allow a natural dissipation of the connection, a more limited frame of contact or even an opportunity or an urge for a break-up, and  sometimes we just need to act. But it can be a tough process, even a loss.

While some friendships didn’t end in the ways I imagined or even in the most pleasant ways, I have to say that I realized in hindsight that those endings were for the best. I don’t miss those people, especially in the long run, because that space and connection were filled with even healthier, more appropriate ones. Similar to physical clutter or things that aren’t working for us anymore, when we let go of friends who aren’t in our best interest, new and even better things or friends can come in. Thank God for friend-shifts (and friendships). Aha, lookey here: Friendships… ships sail and dock, and we have control of that rope on the dock. Nice. It all makes sense.

Our time is so valuable. Why not make sure we’re spending our time with people and activities that actually lift us and bring us joy? As a recovering chronic-people-pleaser (still workin’ on it and not at the chronic level anymore), I am grateful to realize how feng shui can beautifully work with so many aspects of our lives, including our friends. Just sayin’.