I’m (Not) Sick… Okay, Maybe

I’m a stubborn sick person. I actually don’t often get ill, and I seem to do the right things to maintain a strong immune system.  Daily vitamins, daily exercise, apple cider vinegar in water twice per day before meals, optimism, Emergen-C, regular hand-washing, hand sanitizer especially when students cough on their assignments and proceed to give them to me, yoga: My main lines of defense. But starting last weekend, I was illin’. On Tuesday this past week when my lungs were burning, and I couldn’t completely fill them, it felt a little more serious. Uncontrollable coughing, sinus stuff, fatigue. Bronchitis.

But I took an herbal approach. Twelve years ago, when I last had bronchitis, I went straight to the doctor. This time I went full-on herbal attack, including many of the typical players but also including Vick’s chest rub, a vaporizer, rest and a truly impressive, natural product from a local godsend, Hanna’s Herb Shop, called Lung Formula.

Okay, but this sick thing and being stubborn. Once I surrendered and even rescheduled an entire day of student conferences (gasp!) [I’ve only missed one day of scheduled student contact because of illness once in the last seven years at my current job], I noticed that I really was getting what I needed. And I started to feel better. For many of you, these actions are in the no-brainer territory; for me, I’m a little slow with letting go of the taking-care-of-others and the fulfilling-my-duties kinds of things.

I also realized this bout of forced rest and self-care is part of several messages about my job and busy-busy lifestyle (see my last post), and I get it.  Do you hear me, Universe? God? fairies? angels? my spiritual guides? Please, some reprieve here. This illness hit me after not only prolonged, ridiculous lack of sleep and overworking but also after a rattling verbal attack from a student and a build-up of other student incivility. I need to mention that the latter occurred the same day I left my office with the nostalgic thought “I really like my office and just had great conferences. Is it really time to leave this job?” and proceeded to have upbeat class sessions; I even gave each student a packet of Emergen-C, wishing them wellness and balance in this higher-stress time. And then not-so-fun events followed. At first, I was upset; I admit I cried afterward. But I quickly realized, “Ah, more information. Okay. I get it.” Again, more signs about this job. Because the initial People Who Need to Know are aware, and I’m truly manifesting, I’ll say it, and maybe the Universe will provide a break of sorts from all of these very intense signs this semester: This year is my last teaching at CU-Boulder. After spring semester ends in May, I will need another main plan in action.

My main offering in this post is that when things really start to build up and really seem overwhelming, it’s so hard to see the meaning in the midst of such difficulty. What got me out of being sucked into feeling badly for myself or getting too down about many challenges lately is realizing that I haven’t really been listening to what I know I need to do and what I need to change. (Oh, I have to share here: My dog Harley retched all over my gradebook unexpectedly, in the wee hours of Sunday morning last weekend, when I was still grading papers… not kidding… what kind of message is that?! Do you see what I mean???)  I’m not saying that we’re always “punished,” either, or that I even feel punished lately; it’s really not like that. Spiritually, it just feels more like getting the Tower card in a tarot reading: Something along the lines of “Make the needed change(s) or be subject to the change(s).” In perhaps an odd way to some, I am grateful and more so feel the maternal finger shaking at me.

Can’t wait to continue and increase the things I love, more of the things I need, the things that feed my soul, the balancing, sanity kinds of things. Yay! Hoping these same wonderful things for you. Or at least a reminder to honor the things, people and patterns you need—and to let go of what’s not supporting you and your path.