Recently two friends died, and the tougher and more unexpected loss was my acquaintance of nearly 15 years, Matthew. We started teaching writing at CU-Boulder around the same time. When he started his cancer journey–a tricky brain tumor that nearly took his eye–a little more than two years ago, I wanted to support him. I did ceremony quite often and sent him pictures at times of the altar I’d created for him, I helped coordinate two fundraisers, I mailed him a card every few weeks, I reached out and asked How are you really doing?
About two weeks ago, at 47, he died. His last words to me in a message a week before he died were “love to you.”
We weren’t the closest friends, but social media and efforts I mentioned above kept us connected. Supporting other friends with cancer, I wanted to be a consistent force of love in his life, unafraid to reach out.
Death is cumulative. You notice that, right? Someone or a dear animal in your life dies, and you’re reminded of those you’ve lost before and your own mortality and this delicate life we often take for granted.
I won’t lie: It hit me quite hard. I drummed and drummed and did ceremony when I got the news that Saturday night, and I cried hard. I offered and then was asked to help with his memorial here in Colorado and am humbled and honored to create and lead ceremony for our academia-related, friends-of-Matthew circle.
We need solid self-care practices.
with love, light and gratitude,
Erika
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